Understanding Other People's Perspectives

Understanding other people’s perspectives means making a deliberate effort to see a situation from another person’s position, including their experiences, priorities, emotions and constraints. It does not require you to agree with everything they say. Instead, it helps you understand why an issue may look different to them than it does to you.

This skill is central to emotional intelligence because our responses are shaped not only by what happens, but also by how we interpret other people’s intentions. A manager may see a delayed report as carelessness, while an employee may be dealing with unclear instructions, competing deadlines or a personal difficulty. The ability to explore the wider picture can prevent unnecessary conflict and support better decisions.

What It Means to Understand a Perspective

A perspective is the way a person makes sense of an experience. It is influenced by background, knowledge, responsibilities, culture, personality, past events and current emotional state. Two people can observe the same event and form different interpretations without either person deliberately being dishonest or unreasonable.

For example, a customer who repeatedly asks questions may appear demanding to a busy shop assistant. From the customer’s perspective, however, the questions may be a reasonable attempt to avoid wasting money on a product that does not meet their needs. Understanding the customer’s perspective does not mean ignoring rude behaviour if it occurs. It means separating the person’s underlying concern from your immediate judgement.

Perspective-taking usually involves three forms of awareness:

• Cognitive understanding: recognising what another person may be thinking or trying to achieve.
• Emotional awareness: noticing what the person may be feeling, such as fear, disappointment, pressure or confusion.
• Practical awareness: considering the circumstances, resources and limitations affecting their behaviour.

These forms of awareness work together. Knowing that a colleague is under pressure is useful, but understanding what support or clarity they need makes the insight more practical.

Perspective-Taking, Empathy and Agreement

Several related concepts are often treated as if they mean the same thing, but the distinctions matter.

Perspective-taking

Perspective-taking is the effort to understand another person’s point of view. It asks, “How might this situation look from their position?” It can be used even when you do not feel the same emotion or approve of the person’s behaviour.

Empathy

Empathy involves responding sensitively to another person’s emotional experience. You may not have experienced the same event, but you can recognise that it is meaningful to them. Saying, “I can see why that was frustrating after you had already explained the issue,” demonstrates empathy without claiming to know exactly how the person feels.

Agreement

Agreement is accepting that another person’s opinion or decision is correct. It is not required for perspective-taking or empathy. A supervisor can understand why an employee resisted a new process while still explaining that the process must be followed. A business owner can appreciate a client’s budget limitations while maintaining a fair price.

This distinction is particularly important in difficult conversations. If people believe that being understood means giving up their own position, they may avoid listening. In reality, understanding another perspective often enables a more balanced and respectful response.

Why People Misunderstand One Another

Emotional intelligence begins with recognising the mental habits that distort our understanding. One common habit is assumption: treating an interpretation as an established fact. If a colleague does not greet you, you may assume they are angry or disrespectful, when they may be distracted or worried.

Another habit is confirmation bias. Once you decide that someone is unreliable, you are more likely to notice their mistakes and overlook occasions when they meet expectations. Strong emotions can create a similar effect. When you feel insulted, you may focus on a person’s tone and miss the concern behind their words.

Differences in communication style can also cause confusion. In some settings, people communicate indirectly to preserve respect or avoid embarrassment. In other settings, directness is valued as a sign of efficiency. A professional working with people from different regions, generations or organisational cultures should avoid assuming that one communication style is universally polite or competent.

Power differences matter as well. An employee may remain quiet during a meeting because they lack confidence, fear negative consequences or believe senior people have already made the decision. Silence does not always mean agreement. Leaders who understand this create opportunities for people to contribute safely and privately when necessary.

Listening Beyond the Words

Good perspective-taking depends on listening. Listening is not simply waiting for your turn to speak; it is the process of gathering enough information to understand both the message and its meaning.

Start by giving the speaker reasonable attention. Put aside unnecessary distractions, avoid preparing a rebuttal while they are talking and observe changes in tone, pace and energy. Non-verbal signals are useful clues, but they are not proof. A quiet voice may indicate uncertainty, tiredness or cultural preference, so check rather than diagnose.

Use open questions that invite explanation:

• “What part of the situation has been most difficult for you?”
• “What were you hoping would happen?”
• “What information might I be missing?”
• “What would a fair solution look like from your side?”

Then reflect the message back in your own words. For example: “If I understand you correctly, the main problem is not the deadline itself but the fact that the requirements changed halfway through the task.” This gives the other person an opportunity to correct your interpretation.

Avoid turning reflection into a disguised judgement. “So you ignored the instructions because you thought you knew better” is not an invitation to clarify. It is an accusation. A better approach is: “I noticed the instructions were not followed. Can you help me understand what influenced your decision?”

Managing Your Own Emotional Reaction

It is difficult to understand another person while your own emotional response is dominating your attention. Anger may make you search for evidence of disrespect. Anxiety may make neutral comments sound threatening. Embarrassment may encourage you to defend yourself before you have heard the full message.

Emotional regulation does not mean suppressing feelings or pretending that a problem is unimportant. It means creating enough space to choose a useful response. You can pause, breathe slowly, take notes or ask for a short break before continuing a heated discussion. In a workplace, it may be wiser to say, “I want to consider this carefully. Can we return to it after lunch?” than to send an impulsive message.

A useful internal process is:

1. Name the reaction: “I feel criticised,” “I am worried about the outcome” or “I am becoming defensive.”
2. Separate facts from interpretation: identify what was actually said or observed.
3. Consider alternative explanations: ask what else could account for the person’s behaviour.
4. Choose the purpose of the conversation: decide whether you need information, repair, a boundary or a practical decision.

This process helps prevent a temporary emotional reaction from becoming a permanent relationship problem.

Applying Perspective-Taking at Work and in Business

In professional settings, understanding perspectives improves collaboration, customer service, negotiation and leadership. Consider a small enterprise owner whose supplier delivers late. The owner may immediately assume that the supplier is careless. Before ending the relationship, the owner could ask whether there was a transport problem, a stock shortage or a misunderstanding about the delivery date. The explanation may not remove the business impact, but it can inform a better decision.

For managers, perspective-taking is valuable during performance discussions. Instead of beginning with a label such as “You are not committed,” describe the observable issue and invite context: “Three reports were submitted after the agreed dates. What has been affecting your ability to complete them on time?” The employee may reveal a workload problem, unclear priorities or a skill gap. The manager can then set an appropriate boundary and provide relevant support.

When serving customers, the first task is often to identify the need beneath the complaint. A client who says, “Your service is too expensive,” may be asking for a lower price, but may also be comparing features, facing a cash-flow problem or questioning the value offered. A useful response could be: “It sounds as though you are concerned about whether the results justify the cost. May I explain what is included and discuss an option that fits your current needs?”

In teamwork, perspective-taking reduces the tendency to interpret disagreement as opposition. A colleague who challenges a proposal may be protecting quality, anticipating a risk or drawing on information you do not have. Ask what concern the person is trying to address before defending your idea.

Understanding Perspectives Across Culture and Experience

People’s perspectives are shaped by social and cultural experience. This does not mean every person from a particular community thinks alike. It means that language, customs, economic conditions, family responsibilities and previous treatment can influence how people interpret events.

For example, an employee with significant family responsibilities may evaluate overtime differently from a colleague with fewer obligations. A young entrepreneur in Nairobi, Kisumu or another growing business centre may approach risk differently from someone who has access to established financial support. A professional who has previously been excluded from decision-making may ask more questions before trusting a new team.

Do not use cultural awareness as an excuse to stereotype. Treat it as a reason to remain curious. Ask respectful questions, avoid jokes about differences and allow people to explain their own experience. Also consider accessibility. A person who does not respond quickly in a meeting may need written information in advance, a quieter environment or additional time to process complex details.

Boundaries: Understanding Without Excusing Harm

Perspective-taking should not become self-neglect or endless tolerance. You can understand why someone is angry without accepting insults. You can recognise a difficult background without excusing fraud, harassment or repeated irresponsibility. Emotional intelligence includes compassion and judgement.

When behaviour causes harm, acknowledge the perspective while stating a clear boundary. For example: “I understand that the deadline has created pressure, but shouting at staff is not acceptable. We can discuss the problem respectfully and agree on the next step.” This response recognises the person’s pressure without treating harmful conduct as inevitable.

Boundaries are more effective when they are specific. Explain what behaviour must stop, what communication is acceptable and what action will follow if the pattern continues. In professional relationships, document important agreements and use established procedures where appropriate.

A Practical Method for Difficult Conversations

When a disagreement matters, use the following sequence to combine curiosity, empathy and accountability.

1. Prepare your intention. Decide whether your aim is to understand, solve a problem, repair trust or make a decision. Do not enter the conversation merely to prove that you are right.
2. Describe what you observed. Use specific facts rather than general labels such as “always” or “never”.
3. Ask for the other person’s account. Give them time to explain without interrupting unnecessarily.
4. Check your understanding. Reflect the main point and ask whether you have understood it correctly.
5. Explain your own perspective. State your concerns, needs and relevant responsibilities without presenting them as the only truth.
6. Find areas of shared interest. Both people may want reliability, fairness, customer satisfaction or a workable schedule.
7. Agree on a specific next step. Clarify who will do what, by when and how progress will be reviewed.

This method is not a guarantee that every disagreement will end in agreement. Its purpose is to improve the quality of the conversation and make decisions based on fuller information.

Applying This in Practice

Build perspective-taking into ordinary routines rather than using it only during conflict. After an important conversation, ask yourself: “What might this person have been trying to protect, achieve or avoid?” Write down two possible explanations before choosing one. This simple exercise weakens the habit of making instant judgements.

In meetings, invite views from people who have not spoken, especially those whose work will be affected by the decision. Before finalising a plan, ask what risks or practical difficulties another team member might identify. When giving feedback, describe behaviour, explain its effect and ask what support or adjustment would help.

For personal development, keep a short reflection record. Note the situation, your first interpretation, the other person’s possible perspective and the response you eventually chose. Over time, you may notice patterns: perhaps you become defensive when rushed, assume silence means disagreement or avoid asking questions because you fear appearing uninformed. Recognising these patterns gives you something specific to practise.

The goal is not to remove judgement altogether. Judgement helps people make decisions and protect standards. The goal is to make judgement more accurate, less reactive and more informed by the realities of other people’s lives.

Key Takeaways

• Understanding a perspective means exploring how another person’s experiences, emotions and circumstances shape their view.
• Perspective-taking and empathy do not require agreement or approval of harmful behaviour.
• Use open questions, reflective listening and specific observations instead of assumptions and labels.
• Manage your own emotional reaction before responding to criticism, disagreement or conflict.
• Consider cultural, personal, accessibility and power differences without relying on stereotypes.
• Combine understanding with clear boundaries, accountability and specific next steps.